The breaking up of a marriage of two people who were at one time in love is not an easy process. It does not matter if the partners have agreed to end their relationship; there is still a window of pain and anger when they say it’s over.
While all of us equate divorce to terms such as painful, brutal, argumentative, and toxic, we ought to look at it from the view, “what if we decide to take it easy and end peacefully”. Can this work in contemporary society?
The answer lies within us. All that a divorcing couple ought to do is to come back to their senses, behave reasonably, and accept the transition to the next phase of life, because that is the only option left.
Below are seven tips that can help a couple to have a more peaceful divorce, regardless of the experience that the couple has gone through.
- Prepare for the worst but hope for the best
Separation is never easy, especially if you have been married for the better part of your life. Therefore, if ending the marriage is the only option, the best thing to do is accept this reality. It may be painful to accept, but on the other hand, no matter how painful it may be, at some point, things will cool down.
You should never expect that your spouse will be friendly and give in to all your requests. However, learn to be polite. It will help you to win more battles as you converse.
Think about all the tactics that your spouse may use and steps they may take during the divorce process and be ready to counter them ahead of time. Otherwise, if you move through the proceeding blindly, you stand a chance of losing more and adding more pain to your separation.
- Consider using affordable Divorce Options.
Avoid attending court hearings, if possible. Consider other options that can make the divorce process a much less expensive ordeal. At the end of the day, the money saved will give you a better foundation to start the next phase in life.
Alternative options include:
- Online divorce – This is where people decide to divorce over the internet. Several online divorce companies can assist in such a process. The most important thing is that the annulment is uncontested and both partners are in agreement. After the couple signs up to the site, the online company will help the couple access the proper divorce documents and assist them with filling them out.
Once the forms are completed, the company will review them to be sure that everything is correct. Then you will be given the go-ahead to submit them to the courts.
This process can be completed without an attorney, making it both cheaper but faster. The Judge will review the documents and set a judgement day. This can take up to 3 months, and then the whole process is over.
- Mediation – This is an option when the couple cannot come to an agreement on some of the major issues. A mediator is a neutral third party that comes in and helps the couple to reach a compromise in a more peaceful and less costly manner. Mediation can sometimes become a challenge, and in such a case, it’s wise to consider the litigation process.
- Let Go
It’s not easy to let go of something that you have tried to maintain for years. Thinking about everything you built together being torn apart is not easy. However, you need to remember that some marriages are just not meant to last until death. Therefore, to avoid a lot of pain, it’s best to just let go. To do this, you need to give yourself time to grieve. After you cry out all the sorrows, you will come out stronger and more ready to face the situation the way it is. Allow your heart to take the breakup process as a transition to the next phase of life and not a failure.
Once you boldly accept that your marriage is over, then you will be able to gather the courage to move on and have the proper mindset to see to it that the annulment process is more peaceful.
- Maintain Mutual Respect
This can be one of the most challenging things for a separating couple to do. Depending on the reasons that led to the annulment being initiated, respect for one another may be close to impossible to achieve. If infidelity was the cause, when one spouse sees the other, all the pain is revived. And that pain may extend to your children. When emotions catalyze pain, then you can never have peace. In such circumstances, it’s advisable to hire a lawyer who will be able to fight the battle in the courts for you, without emotions getting in the way. This will put you in a better position to manage your emotions and have some peace.
- Consider Counselling Sessions during the process
Divorce is a very stressful affair, so it is advised that you do not allow yourself to go through it alone. This is because it draws many negative emotions which include anger, pain, frustration, and even depression. Counselling sessions will help you avoid falling into a very dark place so that you can come out of it more peacefully. Find a therapist that is well experienced in issues related to relationships and divorce.
A good specialist will help you feel better and even give you the courage to face what you are going through with confidence. You will gain a feeling of self-worth and come to realize that this is not the end of life. Such assurances will give you more peace and strength to face the situation at hand.
- Think about how to handle your children’s issues first
If you have children, remember that they should not suffer during the course of the annulment process. It’s natural to be worried about how they will survive, and to feel stressed about how to deal with joint custody and not seeing them over the holidays. In this case, get a good lawyer who will be able to fight to see to it that you gain sole custody. This is especially important if your ex is a drug addict or alcoholic, and if the children will be exposed to an unsafe environment when they go visiting.
If you know that the kids are safe, it can give you peace of mind and possibly help you to come to terms with your separation.
- See yourself in the bigger picture
It is important to remember that, eventually, the divorce process will be over. Some day, it will be just a distant memory that you rarely think about.
Seeing the bigger picture of your life, in such a manner, will give you a better perspective of life and improve your future expectations. For instance, thinking about celebrating your child’s graduation, or even a fabulous wedding is enough to make you feel relaxed and remind you that the end of your marriage was not the end of your life. Once you can see the bigger picture and are at peace with the situation, you can imagine being friends with your ex for the sake of such future celebrations. By doing this, it will be easier to hasten the separation process and look forward to the future goals that lie ahead.
Ending a marriage is never an easy process, but it is possible to make it relatively peaceful by controlling your emotions and setting achievable goals. How you respond to issues as they arise will also determine the extent to which you will be able to focus on life more naturally. Following these steps will help you to avoid war and transition to single life in a more relaxed and peaceful way. It may even be possible for you and your spouse to remain friends after the marriage is over.